Wednesday, September 9, 2009

You Heard It Here First ...

Today's Sacramento Bee ran an article which confirmed what I had merely assumed. It reported that 39% of those between the ages of 18 and 29 had been tattooed. Personally, I believe the number higher but that, as you'll see, will only increase the profit margin.

Inexorably, these same folks will become older. As they age, and probably not gracefully, the bulging biceps now ringed by barbed wire will look like a young tree branch circled by a blue ribbon. Similarly, those dragons now posing menacingly on shoulders will take on the characteristics of geccos looking for bugs amidst the graying hair.

The solution? And this is all "patent pending": leeches!

As all know, or now will, leeches are used medicinally for micro surgery, especially burn victims where it is necessary to remove clots or blockages to the blood flow, enabling the new, healthy skin to grow.

These same blood sucking leeches, under a process now being patented and protected, will be trained to suck .... ink! Imagine, you realize that tattoo is passe' and go to a Leeches R Us franchise (more later) where you sit comfortably as the little critters move about absorbing that ink you paid so much for years ago. And, using scientific technology, the leeches will be increased in size so that advertising space will arise on their backs. So, as the customer sits there looking at the creature moving about, he or she will be subliminally motivated to buy products.

Did you know that leeches live for ten years? That they can go a year without feeding! The only thing standing between you and riches is your failure to invest now in Leeches R Us (pat. pend.) For a nominal investment (estimated at $50,000) you'll receive your own breed stock for your own leech herd. A couple of leech cowboys to handle the stock and you're on your way to riches: tens, hundreds and even tens of dollars!

More to come!


  1. Wonder if there are similar demographics for those who have pierced previously unpierceable body parts? I bet half of those are under 18! Can leeches repair holes as a side business?

  2. John! It's me. Misha. I had the lovely surprise of reading a note on my blog from your Green-eyed goddess. How delightful it was. I am grinning ear to ear as I write. If you are having trouble remembering who I am just go to my blog and take a look at my photos and the little brown eyed, now three year old Cylas will jog your memory. It is SO good to be in touch with you and your lovely wife again. Congrats on your child-to-be!!